Someone’s in my fruit cellar! Someone with a fresh soooul!

Ah, The Evil Dead trilogy – 265 of the most satisfying minutes you can spend in front of a screen. Unless you’ve got a really good porno and the self control of a Saint.  But I digress…

Like many people in Britain, I saw Evil Dead II before Evil Dead, as we had ridiculous shake your fist at the BBFC like an angry old man censorship laws back in the 80s and as a result the original was one of the notorious “Video Nasties” for years. (Mental note – make next post about the Video Nasties of the 1980s. Sweet.) So, considering that the second one was kind of a remake / reshuffle of the first (more on that later) it was a little weird until I was finally able to watch all three back to back. Which I have since done a number of times. As I noted in the last post, girls love me.

Anyway, here goes…

Evil Dead (1983)

Shit! What a sweet poster! The Thais have it good

I. Fucking. Love. This. Film. Seriously, it shits me up (apologies to my American readers, I will use British slang from time to time – just ask if you need clarification) every time. As mentioned, it had a certain notoriety before I got the chance to actually see it, and then it was on a scratchy old bootleg VHS copy. Remember kids, those of us of a certain age didn’t use to have the internet and ready access to every film under the sun – we really had to make an effort. Video Nasties were like drugs, you got them from a friend of a friend whose brother knew a man etc…

Spoiler Alert! …ah hell, if you haven’t seen this before you’re a bad person and need to rectify that immediately. See you back here in 85 minutes.

Now,  I have a lot of time for the tree rape, disturbing but darkly comic as it may be – and if being fucked by a tree really makes you a card counting genius, can any of you who have had this experience please e-mail me and let me take you to Vegas? I can handle the whole “being a demon” thing if you promise to make me millions of dollars. I’m good like that. 

…and I also think the “pencil in the ankle” scene is genuinely squirmy. And the camerawork in this film is truly stunning, especially considering the low budget. Hey, they should give this guy a bloated superhero franchi…oh, hang on.

Brief insight into my life – I used to own a DVD player that, when you switched it off, would make a noise like a disappointed Evil Dead demon force retreating from a slammed cabin door. I loved that DVD player, and switched it off an inappropriate number of times.

Anyway, for me this film is ruled by the moment Cheryl turns into a card predicting Kandarian demon. Not seen it, or maybe forgotten? Much as I’ve just tried for you, can I find the fucker online anywhere? Can I bollocks. Stupid copyright laws – I’m trying to promote your film here, help me out! So, disappointingly as I really wanted to make you all shit your pants, here’s just the basic trailer *sulks*

Evil Dead II (1987)

The happy couple's first kiss

This is one about which I will always argue with some of my closest friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love this film (to the point where I somehow shoehorned it into my local film society’s programme this year and was lucky enough to introduce it to a whole generation of kids who’d never seen it before. Bow down before me, for truly I am powerful) but I will always prefer the original.

As a horror purist (Hmmm….that sounds a bit wanky. Please don’t hate me – read on and I will try my best to placate you. But I am right.)  I want to be scared more than I want to laugh. This is in no way a criticism of people who have more love for this film, I completely understand your viewpoint, so let’s  just agree to disagree, ok?

It’s not a remake, but it shares characters, location and storyline. Sounds like a remake? Yes. Yes it does. Bugger. …but yet it still isn’t. Look, if you made one of the most influential horror films of all time and a studio said “Hey, here’s some money – make the film you would have made if we’d had the foresight to give you this a few years back” you’d be tempted to make your original movie better, right? I’m going to start arguing with myself soon, so I’ll leave that area now and let you make your own mind up. See how benevolent I am.

Bottom line, this is one of the most entertaining rollercoaster rides of a horror film you will ever see. There is, rightly, so much love for this film and I’m glad about that, but the original edges it for me every time. Despite the flying eyeball:

Army of Darkness (1993)

That's the sound of the men, working on the chain gang

Well, this was one was, and still is, a divider. Personally? I have lots of time for it. Look, when you’ve made two shit hot films in the series already, you’re allowed to goof off a little. And anyway, it’s not as if the one before this was super serious (I wanted to type super serial there, but if you haven’t seen ManBearPig it may have gone over your head)  (Mental note: make post after the Video Nasties one about South Park.)

Come on, the Deadite army? The whole “Klaatu Barada Niktu” fuck up? The general sense of “Aah fuck it, let’s let Ash off the leash this time”? How can you not enjoy this film. After all that Raimi has put Campbell through in the last two (and believe me, that poor bastard suffered) let him be the true hero character this time. Give him weapons. Sure, torment him with mini-mes, but let him win.

Well, sort of. It kinda depends on which ending you have on your version. If that makes you say “What? There are multiple endings?” You need to do your research my friend, for you will be rewarded.

This scene will hopefully make you laugh – I’m all about the pleasure giving really:

…and before I finish, here is an incredibly sweet (yes, I use that word a lot. So sue me) compilation of Ash’s screams from the whole series that makes me laugh like a schoolgirl. Though admittedly a quite old and slightly tarnished schoolgirl:

…and that’s it. I realise these aren’t really reviews, but I hope that if nothing else, maybe you take a glance at those Evil Dead DVDs on your shelf and think “Yep, I want to watch those again.” If that happens, my work here is done *backs away with a flourish*

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One Response to “Someone’s in my fruit cellar! Someone with a fresh soooul!”

  1. Samone Says:

    I really love your style. You can really tell that you love what you are writing about and it transfers to the reader. You really make me want to watch the movies. Really!…You had me at Tree rape!

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