Christmas – Ho Ho Ho, or No Nooo Nooooo…?

Well, as we’re comfortably into December now I guess it’s acceptable to post some random crap about Christmas, so here goes:

There would seem to be two very distinct schools of thought on this, those being:

1) I LOVE CHRISTMAS AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT AND YES I MAY SOUND A BIT MAD BUT WAHEY LET’S GET DRUNK AND MAKE OUT WITH SECRETARIES AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY AND MAKE UP FOR NEVER ACTUALLY HAVING ANY FUN DURING THE REST OF THE YEAR BECAUSE OF MY HATEFUL LIFE GOD I LOVE CHRISTMAS AND I’M ALL WACKY AND ZANY AND LOVE MAKING MY HOUSE LOOK LIKE IT’S BEING POWERED BY SOMETHING THAT USED TO BE PART OF THE CHERNOBYL REACTOR PLEASE LIKE ME PLEASE LIKE ME PLEASE LIKE ME.

or

2) I HATE CHRISTMAS

Well, I’m happy to say that I fall distinctly inbetween these two camps, as I imagine most of you do. I do occasionally exaggerate for comic effect by the way.

For the uninitiated, I don’t have any family where I live – they either died off (it wasn’t me, I swear, and no court of law will ever prove otherwise) or have moved away, so the whole “Christmas is a time for families” thing doesn’t really wash with me, otherwise you’re basically telling me that my Christmas experience is invalid, so fuck that. I have spent the last 10 or so Christmasses with various different friends, or on one particularly memorable occasion in the house of the person with whom I was having an illicit affair. And her husband.  Not proud of that one, but that’s a story for another time 😉

I am a bad man

So Christmas kinda comes and goes for me – I don’t get very excited, but I also don’t get down or depressed and can appreciate people getting excited if they have good reason i.e. not just “I get given stuff that I like, material whore that I am” but maybe have kids around. Now, despite my general cynical tone, I accept that Christmas takes on another tone altogether when kids are involved. Let’s face it, we were all one once – if you still techincally are, you shouldn’t be reading this, go to bed – and I’m sure all got massively excited. I and my brother used to get up at 5:30am looking for presents and hoping that “Father Christmas” had been before gorgeing on Quailty Street and watching The Two Ronnies Christmas Special.

So, I actually quite like Christmas Day in a “I’m not at work and am with people I like, drinking and eating way too much and also have tomorrow off, sweet” way, but I won’t be filling my flat with decorations and singing Wizzard songs for three weeks in advance. Make sense?

At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to appreciate this time of year in the way that they like, whether that means spending one million dollars on reindeers to go on the roof of their house, or sitting alone with a tin of beans and weeping quietly. Or, like most sane people, finding a happy medium and just enjoying some time off work with friends and / or family.

So, my Christmas message (I am clearly more important than the Queen, if only because I’m not German, so I deserve five minutes of your time) is this: Just go with whatever floats your boat, and try not to go on a killing spree whilst dressed in a Santa suit – that is so 80s.

…and for the last word, let’s hand over to Phoebe Cates:

😉

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