Can you fly, Bobby?

I’ve been thinking of writing about this subject for a while, and now, my feverishly slavering audience, it is time – I bring you:


In my completely non-humble and just basically right opinion, possibly the best film ever made. Fuck you, Citizen Kane – do you have a melting man getting splattered over a car bonnet? Well do ya??? No, so get back in your “classic” box and come back when you have a character as well rounded as “Keva Rosenberg, Unemployed Person”. 🙂

Boy oh boy I am going to have fun with this one!

I have this on a t-shirt. See previous Carpenter post for the effect it has 🙂

 Where to start? I saw this film on VHS (ask your parents) at the age of around 14 thanks to my parents and their entirely reasonable and true acceptance that VIOLENT FILMS DON’T MAKE PEOPLE INTO SERIAL KILLERS YOU DUMBASS CONSERVATIVES AND CHRISTIANS and it was an absolute revelation. Oh I’d seen many more gory and violent films before, but nothing with the sheer class and constantly knowing wink as this. It was an instant favourite, and I honestly couldn’t count the number of times I have now seen it on all my extremities. Even if I was a two-dicked freak of nature.

I think I’m going to just break this into chunks, devoting a paragraph to each of the things about this film that I love. I’m never going to do it justice, and Mr Verhoeven I apologise for that (yeah, like he’s ever going to read this..) but I will do my best to get across to you the genius of this film. Here goes:

1) ED-209. Possibly the best thing ever in a film, book, tv show, play, or actual real life experience.

This was my first ever Twitter avatar. Fanboy alert!

 This guy plain rocks. I had never seen anything so shit your pants hard and cool as ED-209, and still to this day never have. Phil Tippet’s stop motion animation of this bad boy still makes anything Cameron can pull out of his 3D arse look like it was knocked up on a ZX Spectrum. ED-209 is there, in your face, and when he makes his ill-advised move down those stairs and ends up on his back crying like a baby? Anyone with a heart will feel sadder than when Bambi’s mum met the reaper. Fact.

“I had to kill Bob Morton because he made a mistake. Now it’s time to erase that mistake” 

2) Clarence Boddicker. Kurtwood Smith’s finest moment. …and he was in Boxing Helena.

You probably don't think I'm a very nice ya?

This is how you write a villain. Nasty, greedy, totally disloyal to all, above or below him in the chain – hell, if it wasn’t for Robo himself or ED-209, this guy would be the hero of the piece.  The fact that the title of this post is a Boddicker line should tell you how much time I have for him. …but, even more so than that, this is the man who makes it acceptable to say “Bitches leave” and claim irony “because I’m quoting from a film” 😉 This scene, amongst so many, many others, makes Clarence Boddicker worthy of his own paragraph (apologies for the poor quality and brief nature of the scene ):

3) The Incredible Melting Man. Oh come on, how can you not enjoywatching this – look up “fun” in any decent dictionary and it links to this:

4) The TV News links and adverts. Just pure genius. Through all the glorious carnage and occasional gratiutious nude flashes (well, it is a Verhoeven pic) they insert these wonderful news clips and adverts. I have made reference to this genius earlier in the post, but check out this vox-pop clip of “the man in the street” giving his opinion on the potential strike by the city’s law enforcement:

He is so the man! Alongside such eloquent comments, the genius that is Paul Verhoeven (and that isn’t sarcastic – this man brought us Starship Troopers as well, so will always have my unqualified adoration) inserted beautifully placed and ironc TV adverts such as this:

It’s mini-scenes such as this , I believe, that allow “quality” film magazines and reviewers to include Robocop in their top films lists and make it seem less like a guilty pleasure to them, when they know that deep down they should really despise it for the sickening violence and the fact that it isn’t Casablanca 😉

…whereas any film lover and reviewer who is genuinlely worth their salt doesn’t care what other people think, and writes from the heart. Just because you write for an “up market” *vomits* magazine, it doesn’t mean you can’t accept that you like a little bit of nasty from time to time 🙂

…anyway, I digress. One more. Even though I have room in my head for 10 more, I’m not sure you lot do:

5) The soundtrack. By this, I mean the incredible original soundtrack by Basil Poledouris, and equally the sweet noises that the various robots make. Unfortunately, I am struggling to find decent wav files of the various robot noises. This makes me sad, as you deserve to hear them. Alas, for now, I will have to leave you with the theme.

 However, ladies and gents, I am genuinely torn right now. Having had a dig around, I feel it is only right to offer you the genuine Robocop theme:

Some guy doing it on his gee-tar:

Or the marvellous 8 Bit Nintendo version:

And that my friends, is that. Seriously, I could go on for days about this film and still feel that this post is unworthy and a poor showing. There are so many great things about Robocop – the script, the effects, the cast, the soundtrack, the direction, the pacing. I almost feel I should delete this and start again, as I know I haven’t truly done it justice.

I hope my passion for this film has come through, and I hope that maybe this prompts you to watch (hopefully again) one of the finest pieces of cinema ever made. I don’t say that lightly – this film will always be in my top 2 (the other being True Romance – possible next blog post teaser there) no matter what.

I shall leave you with this, the original trailer – just imagine how excited you would be if you were a 14 year old film fan whose mind hadn’t been bleached by CGI and you saw this – and yes, that is the Terminator music, and was used in the trailer at the time 🙂


One Response to “Can you fly, Bobby?”

  1. Drama Queen Says:

    Excellent cinematic debut! When is the DVD release date? Is it available in my region? 🙂

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