The Children – Best Condom Advert Ever

I’m a lazy bastard. Haven’t written anything for 3 months, and my 2010 diary project fell at the fourth hurdle. But, having come back from holiday refreshed and a little drunk, here are my (brief) thoughts on “The Children” (2009).

I watched this a while back and thought it was ok, then a few people whose opinions I respect gushed about it (not physically, that would be grim) so I thought I’d give it a re-watch.

…and I stand by my original thoughts. It’s ok. Actually, maybe a little better than ok. It’s actually been raised from “ok” to “quite good”. That’s kind of like going up in the pop charts from 20 to 10 in my book.

Children are evil. We don’t need a film to tell us this, though many have done so to differing effect, but this pretty much puts the nail in their cute little coffins.

Eat you? He'll probably fuck you first, the little bastard.

 
Basically, some adults – ranging from annoying “hope you die slowly” to “ok, you can live, as long as you take a couple of the little fuckers out first” and their kids get together for a memorable holiday weekend. And one cool teenage girl who gets it waaaay before everyone else, and has hot purple streaks in her hair.
 
Before you can say “Hey, little Johnny’s acting slightly more brattishly than usual”, the kids are starting to get stabby and bitey. There’s no real clear explanation for this, and whilst for some people that’s absolutely fine I would have liked a little bit of “why” with my film in this case. Anyway, minor gripe aside, it becomes kill or be killed. …or at least maim or be maimed.
 
Now, there was one moment in this where I loudly exclaimed “Fuck!” at the screen, and a couple of other “hand in mouth” flinch worthy moments. The violent scenes are very well orchestrated and directed, and there’s some strong editing which makes it a punchy film which certainly keeps you watching. It’s also a very easily digestable 80 minutes long, and whizzes along nicely as a result.
 
As “Dead Snow” and others have shown us, blood on snow looks pretty damn cool – and there’s plenty of opportunity to prove this here. It’s not spectacularly gory, but when it goes in for the kill / maim then it does so impressively. Visually it’s a treat at times, and the scenery is used well throughout.

Who are you calling evil? I'll rip your fucking throat out in a heartbeat.

 
I thought the ending, while kind of intriguing, only added to the “why? Why? WHY?” feeling I had, though that may be a little exaggerated for comic effect. The lack of explanation wasn’t a major issue (hence the use of the term “minor gripe” earlier) but the last minute or so piled it on a little for me.
 
Basically, this is worth a watch but won’t make your top 10 list. If you like infanticide, good editing & direction, and can enter with a willing suspension of disbelief then you’ll probably like this. 
 
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